Monday, July 13, 2009

On Her Deathbed...

My online friends might be wondering where I’ve been for the past few days knowing that I’m very fond of updating my blog. As much as I wanted to publish my thoughts and emotions, I don’t have enough time to do so. Rather, time and strength. It has been a week since my grandma passed away. I’ve been busy days and nights with my family duties. The vigil corrupted me of outside world. I felt I was enclosed in a coffin, too.

God has been so kind enough to grant my secret wish. HE let granny die while I was at home. I’ve been very vocal to let them know about it saying that I don’t want to go home with funeral lights to welcome me. I wanted LIFE to embrace me for every monthly visit. What makes this homecoming different is the sad eyes of an old woman. My hugs and kisses are not enough to restore her back to health. It is very painful to see her gasp for her last breath. Yes, I was there on her last moment. I’ve seen how she tried to buy time from death. I’ve heard her say: “Not now…Not yet…Let me live until the end of this day…” She said those words since she’s aware that her sister and her daughter were still on their way to see her that same day. I was indeed lucky, I was never late. I know that she was not afraid to die. We had the so-called heart to heart conversation the day before her death. We were able to reminisce the old times. I was in deep tears when she leaned on my shoulder and spoke her loving request. She wanted me to take care of my parents and my siblings. She need not tell me. Being the eldest, I know how to deal. I was able to tell grandma how much I love her:
Lola: Wag nag umiyak apo ko. Namamaga na mata mo.
Liz: Eh pano, ayoko pa kayong mawala. Alam nyo namang mahal na mahal ko kayo. Di ba kahit nung mga bata pa kami.
(And I cried even more…)
Lola: Ay sa paanhin kung ako’y kinukuha na. Di ga’t kagusto kong kasama pa kayo..
*sniff*


Tears ended our conversation. I did not realize that it will be my last time to hug her and talk to her. As I’ve said, I was never too late. She’s gone and I accept it. But I find it difficult not to think of her. What really bother me are the days to come… NO matter how much I tried to think that she’s in a better place called heaven, I can’t help but miss her…her love and care to her favorite grand daughter. Forever she’ll be me in my heart. And forever I’ll thank and love her. Grandma, may you rest in peace. See you there when my time comes.

6 comments:

MsRay said...

My deepest sympathies.

Dorothy L said...

I am sorry to hear of your loss.
Just know that she is in a happier place now so be happy for her!
Her memories will be there for you:)

Drew said...

Sorry to hear about your granny. Lost mine too early this year... Never knew it would be the last Christmas i got to spend with her... She died January, while I was here in Manila, too bad I missed her funeral, since it was in the US ><

Reading your blog is kinda like going through the experience again, I envy you coz you were there till her last moment.

Although yeah, they're in a better place now. Somehow, its a reason enough to be thankful.

It's me Tey! said...

liz our deepest sympathy... don't worry too much because I know she'll be watching you from up there...

The Dreamer said...

My condolences Liz...

atenean101 said...

my condolences to you and your family... i hope you`ll recover from this unwanted event.

this is just one reality of life... that everything that has a beginning will surely have an end. but just be strong and continue the life that God has given you. for sure your granny doesn`t wanna see you that sad. smile and pray.

Related Posts with Thumbnails